My Gift to Riley. My Goodbye to Riley

If you are reading this, Riley has put a lot of trust in you. This book is an instructional guide on one of the most resilient women I have ever had the honor of not just knowing but loving. I am putting it onto a flash drive so that Ri can either allow you to read it in sections or all at once.

This way she can feel that she is still in control while taking a leap and allowing herself to be vulnerable with you. This is not a small gift, her trust that you will keep her safe after you learn this information is a precious gift. I am begging you to respect and honor her heart as you read through these files.

You are probably wondering who I am. My name is Josh and I am writing this book for Riley to give to anyone that she trusts with it. I have lung cancer and I was given 4months if I am lucky. I wanted to do something for her while I am still of clear mind as she is sacrificing her entire life right now to take care of me. We didn't work as a couple, my fault not hers; I learned a lot about her and more as time went on with my original diagnosis. She has been with me since the initial "We are running tests for lung cancer" conversation I had with a doctor. She has been there when not even my own family could handle it. She has given up sleep, her social life, missed work, and in general turned me into her main focus. She does not know that I am not responding to treatment while I'm writing this. I will say one thing; if I could do things all over again, I would not have hurt her the way I did. She did not deserve what I put her through. I knew that as I was doing it. Don't repeat my mistake. I would have loved to know about her the way I am telling you about her. I am lucky enough to have been let into her heart and her world. It was not an easy feat. She has her heart locked up tighter than Ft. Knox. If you are reading this, you are slowly being let into her world. I know at times, the fact that she keeps you at arm's length is anger-inducing, frustrating, and downright maddening. This is especially true when you do see glimpses of her letting her guard down, only to build that wall right back up. Please don't hold it against Ri, she has her reasons. She didn't let me in right away either. I wanted to give up and walk away from her. At times I thought to myself that it wasn't worth it at all. Then she would look at me and I would cave. The problem was never that she wasn't good to me or didn't love me. The problem was that she was afraid. Riley has suffered a lifetime of abuse in a lot of forms and is still learning how to trust again. Be patient with her. -Joshua