It all started with a horse witch

In October 2019 my dear magical sister Celeste sent me a private invite to a group she was starting. It was a group to bring magical women together, strengthen our connections with the universe, find our authentic selves, strengthen our magical gifts, manifest everything and anything, and most of all...raise each other's vibrational levels. It's funny, literally that morning, before her sending me the message I had written in my journal that I needed to reconnect to the universe and work on my gifts. I cannonballed in! This is what my soul was missing, craving, needing. The group was called 'Spiritual Life Hack Course' and I soon found myself bonding with women that were on the same page as me. It felt so....magical, and refreshing to be connecting to these powerful and phenomenal women. We started learning how to open ourselves up to Source/The Universe and to start creating the lives we wanted. Celeste had manifested her dream life, we should be able to as well. While I did the exercises she gave us, I did them half-heartedly. I did not believe that I deserved the dream life that I wanted. I now see that I was only hindering myself. I still don't know if I deserve to be blessed by the Universe, but I'm working on trying to get to where I believe it. Fast forward to now, nearly 2 crazy years later and things are very different! I realize all the stuff that I was able to manifest, they weren't big things, but subtle changes in my life. Especially the last 8 months. I also took the advice of taking care of me first from Celeste. I've never been good at that, I am a giver, a healer, a pleaser...but not a taker. Saying no is hard for me, and it's often to my detriment. The more I have focused on my self-care and nurturing my soul *AND* body, the more I see great things happening for me. I missed working out. At the height of my depression from surgery complications, starting that again was the best thing for me. I started to watch my body FINALLY respond to my healthy lifestyle, whereas before surgery, my body didn't even acknowledge that I ate well or worked out. I feel like this was what started to rouse my spirit from the extended hibernated state that she was in. I had seen grey for so long that I was overwhelmed when color started to enter my world again. It took a LOT of help from friends (mostly from the group) to not allow my spirit to go back into hibernation. I was afraid if I let her go back into that state, I may never be able to wake her again. That is something I refuse to risk. I feel like she went into hibernation when I was very young to survive the trauma from my childhood. Having her rejoin me, feels as if a puzzle piece has been found and put into the puzzle that's been sitting on the kitchen table for months. Just like that puzzle that gets worked on sporadically and then forgotten again, the work I needed to do on my spiritual self was picked up and put down way too often. I thought if I could just please everyone, then I would be happy also. WRONG! Things needed to change, but was I ready? I wasn't sure. I asked for a sign, continued to work on my physical health, and waited to hear from Source. Then one day, it clicked. I wanted to go back to school to be a Medical Assistant.

I was not sure if Real Estate or M.A. was my path, but the nudge came from a Tarot reading I got from my trusted friend, Raven. I wanted a general idea of what to look for in the future and if I needed to make any adjustments or be open to anything, as Raven is highly intuitive and has never been wrong. I give her minimal info at the start of a reading, not because I want to test her skills, but because I know she will give me the clearest answers when my thoughts aren't being sent into the universe and to her guides. She right off the bat, asked if I was thinking of a career change and I said yes. She said, "between the two paths you're looking at, go with the medical one." Since I hadn't told her I was trying to choose between two NEW paths, I had not told her anything other than "yes I'm considering a change" and she picked up on medical immediately and told me this was my path. I went for it. I started looking at M.A. programs and Clover Park Technical College had the best program for me. Enrollment was easy, financial aid was going to be a bit harder. I had missed some deadlines and likely wouldn't get funding until the fall quarter; but with the way the program is set up, I needed to knock my prereqs out in the summer quarter. So I went for the opportunity grant and just as easily as everything else for school fell into place, so did the funding for the summer quarter.

Working out, self-care, me time...depression was getting easier to manage, for the most part, and anxiety was lowered also. Smiles were becoming actual smiles and not me fake smiling to keep others comfortable. The thing is, the darkness that is my spirit can be too much for me at times, so I try to hide it from others as I know the weight of it. Did the heaviness of my heart lighten up over the months with the changes? Absolutely not. BUT, I had shifted the weight from my chest to my shoulders; and I felt as if I could carry it a bit better than in the past. My mindset has also shifted. I no longer am trying to bring light into my darkness, I am accepting and embracing my darkness; as it is a part of me. How can I move forward in my spiritual journey if I cannot love all of me, even the dark parts? Shifting this mindset has also helped when the darkness feels like it's too much. That part of me just wants and needs to be heard, seen, and accepted. My therapist just recently retired and while I'm on the hunt for a new one, he said something in our last session as I brought up the darkness of my spirit. He said "You have been my patient since you were 21 and you have loved the darkness in everyone else who has crossed your path. It's time to love your own, as it is just as much a part of you as your eye or hair color. Not all dark is bad and not all light is good. The sun can burn us, the dark allows the stars to be seen." With that, I am ending this post. Stay tuned for more.